9. Paul's Epistle to the New Confederacy (Pt.9) Dear Trump-Voting Relatives in a Big Southern State

Dear Trump-Voting Relatives in a Big Southern State (BSS),

Paul here in the Pacific Northwest. It’s the gloomy time of the year. Gloom ahead. Gloom behind. But, we are also green and lush and clean and that is nice. We walk the neighborhood -sun or not; we have mostly oldish (60+ years) homes with arching trees that are a pleasure to stroll past; we embrace diversity; we live in a lovely place.

How are the red-clay piney woods? I often think of my childhood vacations there: cicadas, swamp cooler fans, dusty footprints, chickens, nights thick with wet heat and bugs, boredom. I’ve been meaning to talk with you about something.

Please explain why you voted for Donald Trump. I’ve heard people say, “He speaks the language that I understand.” I get some of that, but all I’ve ever heard the man say was mean and unkind things about stuff he doesn’t like. He throws the occasional compliment to other rich men or “sexy” women, but mostly he’s just mean. What do you like about that? Does it make you feel powerful when he bullies people? Why is that?

We’d love to come and visit you some day, but that is unlikely. Eventually Donald Trump will come up in conversation, and then I will get angry and say something regrettable. I am actively, vigilantly, militantly avoiding people who voted for him. I am so fearful about the society that my daughter, and, perhaps, her children, will inherit, that I fear that I might lash out at someone.

And then they will pull out a gun and kill me. Standing ground for the USA!

I know that all of my aunts and uncles are more than eighty years old. I know that my cousins haven’t seen my face in almost thirty years. I know that only two of my aunts have ever laid eyes on my child, their great-niece. And I know that if I ever did go visit, in any room I walk into, there will be mostly Trump voters, a scenario that I find disorienting.

But mostly the reason I won’t go to BSS is because of your stupefying hypocrisy: If Obama had done any of the stuff Trump has been doing -and continues to do- ya’ll be hollerin’ “Lynch the n*gger!”

But let’s be honest, because Trump is white, ya’ll invent a different set of rules. Really, can we at least be honest about it? Bore deep into that Dixie Christian Heart of Yours, get down on your knees and admit it to your Lord and Saviour, “I am a bigotted hypocrite.” (You’ll feel better.) The truth won’t set you free, but at least you are being honest -for the first time- about why you voted for a cheating, lying, morally bankrupt rapist.

Well, BSS relatives, I guess we’ll have to wait until we meet up in heaven. I’m not saying I want to go first, but I wouldn’t mind watching ya’ll try and explain to St. Peter why you voted for a cheating, lying, morally bankrupt rapist. Until you’re dead, you can say (lie) what you will, but Old St. Pete, he’ll know the Truth of Your Heart. (Jesus only got angry twice in the Bible, and one of those was for “the money-changers in the Temple.” I think we can safely call Trump a “money-changer in the Temple.”) And Old Pete ain’t gonna’ let ya’ll through the Pearly Gates, uhn uh, until ya’ll publicly confess the following: “I am a bigotted hypocrite. And because I am a bigotted hypocrite, I voted for a cheating, lying, money-changing rapist.” Write it down on a card, carry it with you. And if I was you, I’d start practicing now. Me? I’ll be inside the gates, watching ya’ll trying to “explain.”

That will be eternally entertaining.

Love always,

Paul